Disabled and Loved

ID for accessibility: Photo of couple lovingly holding hands.

  There is a myth that needs to be broken. That myth is that people with a disability and chronic illness shouldn’t fall in love or be in a relationship.

  I have had chronic health conditions since my childhood. In my teen years my conditions became more severe and multiplied, I developed the rare condition of trigeminal neuralgia (though I would not receive my official diagnosis until almost a decade later).

  I remember the fear that struck me, "Who would want to be with someone with so many health conditions and who may not even be able to kiss them?"

  From an early age, I was taught I was a burden and undeserving of love. I was a "burden" to my parents, my pastor, my Sunday school teacher, and even to a supposedly loving god. 

  Once my health conditions started showing up and getting worse, I was then a burden to a future spouse, if I should even date or find someone who wanted to be with me.

  Obviously, we know this is not healthy thinking, and years later, on my healing journey, I would learn that. 

  Unfortunately, even outside of that hurtful religious world, I would still hear people say that people with health conditions are a burden to their families, friends, and a future partner. And shouldn’t even date. 

  Ableism, regardless of its forms, whether in a religious setting or in our everyday world is still ableism. It says that people with a disability are less worthy than someone who is not disabled. It’s hurtful and damaging.

  Imagine saying to someone who wears glasses that they should not be with someone who doesn't wear glasses because the non-glasses-wearing person's eyes are healthier and the person wearing glasses is less deserving. 

  That is absurd, right? That is what ableism is. 

  It would take years before I had healed enough from that damage to feel like I could date and be loved. And yes, I did come across ableism in the dating world, and the doubts that maybe what I had been taught and heard was true would pop up from time to time. 

  When I met my partner, I found the myth of disabled people shouldn’t love and be loved, was indeed not true. 

  Not only that, he continues, daily, to prove the myth wrong.

  Here is your reminder this Valentine's Day, that disabled people are still human, and not only can love deeply but can be loved just as deeply.